![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'm still on edge since Friday's quake. Last night I finally felt comfortable sleeping in my room rather than on the couch, and I still kept sweatpants and socks on in case I needed to evac again. I've been jumpy at work; someone was moving one of the rolling barricades we use to close aisles off, and with how similar its rattling sounded to my house's...well, yeah, I had a panic attack. When an aftershock or something that remotely resembles one comes along, I flat-out freeze. My ability to drive our lift trucks to get stuff from the upper shelves, already strained by my fear of heights, is now pretty well gone because I just don't have the nerve to go...what if another shake hits while I'm 12 feet off the ground?
I still joke and post amusing stuff to friends, but more and more it's serving as a distraction to keep my mind off stuff, to keep me from thinking about those few minutes of sheer terror and all the what-ifs. But apparently the strain is still showing on my face at work. Twice now my supervisors have pulled me aside to check if I'm okay.
The annoying part is that all this is going on with my head despite the fact that, compared to most people around here, I got off easy. No damage to the house, fairly minimal cleanup...some form of survivor's guilt mixed with my anxiety issues, maybe?
The past few days have been rough. The next few weeks look to be about as rough. And I have no clue what to do about it, except jot my thoughts down here while my mind continues to dodge the issue in its myriad ways.
I still joke and post amusing stuff to friends, but more and more it's serving as a distraction to keep my mind off stuff, to keep me from thinking about those few minutes of sheer terror and all the what-ifs. But apparently the strain is still showing on my face at work. Twice now my supervisors have pulled me aside to check if I'm okay.
The annoying part is that all this is going on with my head despite the fact that, compared to most people around here, I got off easy. No damage to the house, fairly minimal cleanup...some form of survivor's guilt mixed with my anxiety issues, maybe?
The past few days have been rough. The next few weeks look to be about as rough. And I have no clue what to do about it, except jot my thoughts down here while my mind continues to dodge the issue in its myriad ways.