Shall we play a game?

[xaq_the_aereon]

Alright everybirdie, the results from the earlier post are in, and now it's time to reveal what I was gearing towards: a game.




(UPDATE: As of 5:20 PM local time, 01/09/2013, all achievements have been unlocked!!)

(Enable BGM?)
It is New Year's Day, and to celebrate, you have joined some of your classmates from St. Pigeonation's to go down to the local shrine. As you get there, you notice the place is strangely empty, even compared to its usual sparsity of visitors. As you get further in, however, you see why: a Komodo Dragon has apparently decided to sunbathe in the middle of the shrine grounds and scared everybirdie off!

"The Black Serpent of Agony has appeared!" The startled, slightly agonized cry of the luzon who stands beside your group startles you...where'd he come from, anyway? Before you can ask, he tosses you a pen used in drawing manga. "Go forth, Scarlet Knight of the Sephirot! It is your destiny to wield Sae'krom, the holy spear, and slay this beast!"

Looks like you've picked up a weird one, my friend. Rummaging through your backpacks, you and your classmates scrounge together a few items you can use to deal with the situation. Things do not look very promising, however, as all that you have are a packet of Tat-P pudding mix, a unicycle, a paintbrush that (for some reason) is still wet with purple paint, a packet of millet seeds, the key to your locker, a unicycle, and the loony luzon's pen.



To play, reply with what you wish to do, such as "Use Unicycle on Self" or "Coo at Sae'krom." Grammar doesn't have to be perfect; as long as the system can make sense of what you say, that should work.
(UPDATE: Due to xviith_et_seq's excessive and increasingly confusing use of them to the point of literally leaving me with a migraine, ANGHELISMS WILL NO LONGER BE ACKNOWLEDGED. Your text entry is simulating a controller input for God's sake.)
If you wish to use the Move command, simply say "Move to ____" using the following list as reference:
-Shrine to move to the center dot on the mini-map
-Entrance to move along the lower-left path
-Woods to move along the central-right path
-Spring to move along the upper-left path behind the shrine.
So, for example, if you wanted to return to the entrance, you would type in "Move to Entrance."

After you have entered a command, the system will reply letting you know the consequences, for good or ill (most likely ill) of your actions. Afterwards, assuming you didn't get yourself horribly maimed or killed, you can input another command and try again.

Good luck, and try your best to survive this latest peril to come to Littledove Hachiman City!

UPDATE: There is no need spoiler-tag your replies; I only spoiler-tagged the game so that it didn't take up a boatload of space on your page on the off-chance you didn't want to play.

UPDATE: Okay, since this has come up a number of times now: While other characters get mentioned in the text a few times, the only 2 characters you're able to interact with in any way on the first screen are yourself and the Komodo dragon.


ENDINGS UNLOCKED: 6/6
-ENDING 1: Say Your Prayers (Normal End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 2: Tale of the Dragonslayer (Bad End) (unlocked by davidn)
-ENDING 3: There Goes The Neighborhood! (WTF End) (unlocked by davidn)
-ENDING 4: True Pudding Awaits! (Pudding End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 5: Coo The Hell Do You Think I Am!? (Good End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 6: Coo This, I'm Outta Here! (Lame End) (unlocked by kjorteo)

ACHIEVEMENTS UNLOCKED: 14/14 (UPDATE: 100% Complete!!)
-Say Your Prayers - Unlock the Normal Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Komodo Dragonslayer - Unlock the Bad Ending (unlocked by davidn)
-Gigaflare - Unlock the WTF Ending (unlocked by davidn)
-Coo coooo!! - Unlock the Pudding Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Hatodammerung - Unlock the Good Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-I Quit! - Unlock the Lame Ending (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Out of Body Experience - Leave yourself behind. (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Lighten the Load - You probably didn't need that stuff anyway. (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Multi-Killed!! - Die 10+ times (Communal achievement ultimately unlocked by kjorteo)
-That is No True Pudding! - Discover the label mixup in your inventory. (unlocked by davidn)
-It's Millet Time - Mmm, tasty! (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty - Give yourself a makeover! (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Can I Keep Him? - Aww, I guess not. (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-The Obligatory "Get All Other Achievements" Achievement (Hatogate 100% Complete!)

Comments

[davidn]

It is a streak I fear I may not be able to keep up.

Hmm. Has there been any location that nobody has attempted to MOVE to yet? If so, move there! (Sorry to take such flagrant advantage of the non-computer parser, here.)

[kjorteo]

I WAS TRYING TO DRAW HIGHLIGHTS ON MYSELF OR SOMETHING WITH THE MAPPING PEN TO COMPLETE THE "SOMETHING MORE COULD BE DONE" ENSEMBLE, I DON'T KNOW D:

Peck pudding mix OH! (I still want to do that but I'll save it for later in case this doesn't work, it is demoted to plan B, new plan A) open Saekro'm?

[xaq.livejournal.com]

**PARSER ANALYZING INPUT... ... ..INTERPRETING AS "Move to Shrine" (which has not been attempted while the lizard is still there.)

Your attempt to sneak past the lizard fails, as it quickly whips around and clamps its teeth into your wing! It tosses you aside like a rag doll.

The venom from the creature's fangs quickly courses its way through your body, causing severe swelling in your diaphragm and rendering it impossible for you to breathe. Your classmates call for an ambulance, but by the time it arrives, the damage has been done.

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)

(So much for your survival streak!)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

After a few minutes, you manage to find the spot on the pen to twist it open. You peek inside and find nothing besides the ink tube, which is about three-quarters full. Satisfied that the pen is, indeed, a pen, you close it back up and ready it for combat...or, at least, for drawing combat...once more.


(Satisfied?)

[premchaia_pre4]

I figured this was just a different pen, since the ink is apparently on the inside in this one. o.o

[premchaia_pre4]

Hrfbfrbrfbl. So it is just a weapon! Well, at least in that configuration. >RESTORE 715634. COO SELF. (For convenience, the aforementioned position has the lizard splashed with millet and (non-)pudding mix, and the protagonist's feathers painted purple.)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

I was, admittedly, considering using an excuse along that line, via an "Excalibur/Excalipoor" variation.

(THIS IS FAR FROM THE STRONGEST OF PENS!! D: )

[kjorteo]

NO, NOT UNTIL I FIND A WAY TO USE THAT INK TO MAKE MYSELF PRETTY.

Er, I mean. I guess if the parser is fighting me this hard then I must be on the wrong track, so I guess so. :(

Fine, peck pudding mix it is, then. :P

[xaq.livejournal.com]

To psyche yourself up in preparation for dealing with the lizard, you start singing a random little battle ditty. Much to the dismay of everybirdie around you, however, you appear to have the same sort of soothing birdsong as talons on a chalkboard. The lizard clamps its teeth around your head to drown out the racket at the source.

The venom from the creature's fangs quickly courses its way through your body, causing severe swelling in your diaphragm and rendering it impossible for you to breathe. Your classmates call for an ambulance, but by the time it arrives, the damage has been done.

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Whoever came up with this brand of pudding mix did a terrible job of it. You express your disdain for their product by throwing it on the ground and pecking at the containers violently. Within moments the flurry of ingredients is strewn all over. With the mix itself no longer in any condition to endure your assault, you turn your attention on the idiotically-designed mixing spoon.



Huh. It would appear that what you thought was a packet of Tat-P, a lesser-known pudding mix, was actually a packet of TATP, a form of high explosive. What you mistook for a mixing spoon was, given the outcome, a detonator. Its revenge on you for your unjustified assault is brief, but completely thorough. Serves you right!

It's a sad thing your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)

[kjorteo]

... it's Hatogate, I probably should have seen that coming.

All right, last-ditch effort to see if there are any other screens with which I can interact (as opposed to the one that automatically spits me back where I came, the one that automatically kills me, and the one that automatically gives me the normal ending.)

Unicycle the komodo dragon, then move Entrance.

[premchaia_pre4]

Oh, fine. I assume the “previous” save is the one from one command ago. >PECK SELF and we'll see whether that causes me to stab myself to pieces or preen nicely depending on how good the beak control is.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(PARSER NOTE: ...Okay, that's one action I did not see coming. Congrats, you've just bumped the Achievement and Ending counts up.)



True, the plan was to come to the shrine and make your New Year's wishes, but after what you saw with the lizard on the unicycle? Forget it! You all agree to go grab a bite to eat and try and put this latest bit of insanity behind you.

(Game over)

(ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: I Quit!)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

You look your plumage over for a moment, and realize it's looking a little ratty. You take a moment to preen yourself. No sense coming to the shrine without looking your best, after all!

(ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty...)

[premchaia_pre4]

Yay! I'm pretty! ^.^

Now all the lizards will want to dance with me! >SAVE. TAKE KOMODO DRAGON.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

You flutter over to land on top of the Komodo dragon's head and, with a single swoop, slap your backpack over its head! You take a moment to congratulate yourself on catching your new pet before its powerful jaws rip your bag apart, then lock down upon your head.

On the plus side, though, your swift death means you won't have to worry about whether he's had his shots or not, at least!

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)

(ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Can I Keep Him?)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

**PARSER ERROR: OOPS, I BLEW IT**

(After looking over the commands you put in earlier again, this should have happened immediately after you used the "Peck Self" command. My bad!)

Before you can decide what to do next, you see a fantail dove run into the shrine grounds. His attention seems focused squarely on the packet of pudding mix you tossed over to the lizard earlier!



"Coo coooo! Coo! Cooooo! (Okosan senses that you have pudding! You will surrender it at once, fiend!)" The komodo dragon answers his demands with a deep growl, rearing back to strike. This could get gruesome!

The lizard lunges at the fantail violently, missing by mere centimeters. Its momentum sends it flying into one of the statues, which it recoils off of.

"Cooo! Cooo coo coooo! (Okosan shall not be defeated by one such as you! Finishing move!)" The fantail rears back, readying for a charge, then bolts forward, catching the lizard in the gut!

"COOOO!! (OKO!!)"

"COOOO!!! (MAGNUM!!!)"

"COOOOOO!!!!! (BLITZ!!!!!)" The force of the attack launches the lizard hundreds of feet into the air. Moments later...



...The sky, particularly around the lizard, is enveloped in a colossal explosion. Holy crap that was epic! ...But, how did he make it explode like that? And for that matter, where'd the pudding mix you threw to it go? ...And where'd the fantail run off to?

Well, whatever. That was way more awesome than anything else that could happen today. With the coast clear, you and your classmates head back home. You can't wait to put the details about what happened on the internet!


(Game over)

(ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Hatodammerung)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Sorry 'bout missing that earlier. O_o;

(This message is primarily to put things replies back to even numbers; that's how I've been keeping track of when someone replies with a new command. *shrug*)

[kjorteo]

Hooray! I think. I really wanted to be the one to unlock the makeover achievement, but I see (without reading the threads, obviously, just looking at the achievements in the OP) that xviith_et_seq beat me to it. Damn it. But at least I got my name on something other than being the one to push the death counter over the top, even if it's something new you had to make up just now. :P

But if that's not how you finish off the makeover, then how ... oh, do I need to preen or something? I need to preen, don't I. (New game, paintbrush self, then) peck self. Sigh.

[kjorteo]

Furthermore, on a new file:

* Leave basically everything the game will let me (pudding mix, paint brush, unicycle, Saekro'm, Key 2, millet) (on the ground if the game asks)

* Leave self

[davidn]

Bugger!

All right - going off on a completely different angle and by the achievement names...

LEAVE PUDDING MIX
LEAVE PAINTBRUSH
LEAVE UNICYCLE
LEAVE SAKER'OM
LEAVE KEY2
LEAVE MILLET

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(I was wondering if anyone was ever going to try that command...)

>Leave Pudding Mix

You hand the pudding mix back to your classmates, fairly convinced it's not going to do any good against this thing.

(Pudding Mix removed from inventory)


>Leave Paintbrush/Unicycle/Millet

(Same as above, but replace "pudding mix" with applicable item name.)

(Paintbrush, unicycle, and millet removed from inventory)

>Leave Key2

Wait, you can't get rid of that! You're going to need that if you want to get into your locker at school!

>Leave Sae'krom

The luzon shakes his head as you try to hand him back his pen. "I cannot fight this beast, Scarlet Knight. My powers are useless against it. Only the combined might of the Holy Spear and the Order of the Sephirot can slay this demonic serpent!"

So, in other words, he's scared of lizards and wants you to deal with it instead? In any case, he's not taking it back, and throwing it away might make his antics even worse...better hold onto it.


**PARSER REQUESTING START OF NEW REPLY STRING; CURRENT REPLY STRING BREAKING BOUNDARIES OF JOURNAL TEMPLATE**

(First Kjorteo, now you! :b )

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(repeat "Use Paintbrush on Self" scenario)

>Peck Self

You look your plumage over for a moment, and realize it's looking a little ratty. You take a moment to preen yourself. No sense coming to the shrine without looking your best, after all!

(Parser note: Makeover achievement would indeed have been unlocked at this point, if xviith hadn't beaten you to it. Sorry!)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

>Leave Pudding Mix

You hand the pudding mix back to your classmates, fairly convinced it's not going to do any good against this thing.

(Pudding Mix removed from inventory)


>Leave Paintbrush/Unicycle/Millet

(Same as above, but replace "pudding mix" with applicable item name.)

(Paintbrush, unicycle, and millet removed from inventory)

>Leave Key2

Wait, you can't get rid of that! You're going to need that if you want to get into your locker at school!

>Leave Sae'krom

The luzon shakes his head as you try to hand him back his pen. "I cannot fight this beast, Scarlet Knight. My powers are useless against it. Only the combined might of the Holy Spear and the Order of the Sephirot can slay this demonic serpent!"

So, in other words, he's scared of lizards and wants you to deal with it instead? In any case, he's not taking it back, and throwing it away might make his antics even worse...better hold onto it.


>Leave Self

You sit down and assume a meditative stance, clearing your mind to figure out how to deal with the current situation. As you do, you find yourself beginning to become one with the universe. The overwhelming sensation proves a bit more than you can handle, and you get jolted back to reality.

Still, that was a neat sensation while it lasted! You wonder if you can reach that state again...

[davidn]

(Starting a new thread as requested by the parser...!)

Hmm. I suppose I was hoping for more of an effect after all that. Has anyone tried using key2 on the lizard before?