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xaq_the_aereonUmmm...this is kind of a disturbing entry, so you more squeamish types might want to find something else to read......if you insist on reading it and find yourself disgusted and/or offended, then just remember: I warned you.
Okay?
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...
Okay.
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It's been rolling around the back of my mind for years now, not really doing anything...but lately, it's been seeping into a whole lot of different parts of my life, from my attitude to my sketchwork to a whole lot of other shit.
What am I talking about? This nagging sensation, this deep-rooted thought that maybe...just maybe...I should've been born female. I'm not kidding. For some reason I just look at myself in the mirror lately and seriously wonder.
For years I figured I just liked playing female characters in games because they tended to emphasize speed over strength, and I happened to enjoy a whole bunch of weak hits over a single KO punch.
But then, it started creeping into other aspects of my life...
In a family that shunned letting boys have hair past their shoulders and girls NOT having it down around their waist, I spent a lot of my youth growing a ponytail that eventually slipped halfway down my back.
My taste in fashion tended to take a more feminine approach, taking softness and elegance over ruggedness and t-shirts. When I started getting into more gothic style of dress, like leather collars, I never gave the thick spiked ones a second look, but as soon as I came across a soft, velvety one, my hand went right for the price tag.
My gaming styles also changed...like I said before, I used to like female characters out of their "speed over strength" motifs...lately I've found I'm simply more in touch with a female character than I am a male one.
One of the biggest impact I've noticed is in my artwork...my female artwork doesn't generally come off as the "cheesecake" you'd expect from one with as sick a mind as myself...instead I try to go for more of a charming, romantic overture, even with the occasional bits of hentai that I do.
Even my more personal habits have been changing...sometimes I've caught myself masturbating the way a woman does. I suppose that's odd enough without the fact that it works...
The moment it finally struck with me, though, was two days ago, when I was drawing a character that was meant to represent every aspect of myself as I could see...a spiritual self-portrait, you could say.
This is the result of that sketch - www.deviantart.com/view/2642569/
Before I could just shrug it off and laugh at it...nowadays it just leaves me wondering. It doesn't really bother me or anything, actually. It's just.....y'know.....weird. *shrugs*
Okay?
...
...
Okay.
---
It's been rolling around the back of my mind for years now, not really doing anything...but lately, it's been seeping into a whole lot of different parts of my life, from my attitude to my sketchwork to a whole lot of other shit.
What am I talking about? This nagging sensation, this deep-rooted thought that maybe...just maybe...I should've been born female. I'm not kidding. For some reason I just look at myself in the mirror lately and seriously wonder.
For years I figured I just liked playing female characters in games because they tended to emphasize speed over strength, and I happened to enjoy a whole bunch of weak hits over a single KO punch.
But then, it started creeping into other aspects of my life...
In a family that shunned letting boys have hair past their shoulders and girls NOT having it down around their waist, I spent a lot of my youth growing a ponytail that eventually slipped halfway down my back.
My taste in fashion tended to take a more feminine approach, taking softness and elegance over ruggedness and t-shirts. When I started getting into more gothic style of dress, like leather collars, I never gave the thick spiked ones a second look, but as soon as I came across a soft, velvety one, my hand went right for the price tag.
My gaming styles also changed...like I said before, I used to like female characters out of their "speed over strength" motifs...lately I've found I'm simply more in touch with a female character than I am a male one.
One of the biggest impact I've noticed is in my artwork...my female artwork doesn't generally come off as the "cheesecake" you'd expect from one with as sick a mind as myself...instead I try to go for more of a charming, romantic overture, even with the occasional bits of hentai that I do.
Even my more personal habits have been changing...sometimes I've caught myself masturbating the way a woman does. I suppose that's odd enough without the fact that it works...
The moment it finally struck with me, though, was two days ago, when I was drawing a character that was meant to represent every aspect of myself as I could see...a spiritual self-portrait, you could say.
This is the result of that sketch - www.deviantart.com/view/2642569/
Before I could just shrug it off and laugh at it...nowadays it just leaves me wondering. It doesn't really bother me or anything, actually. It's just.....y'know.....weird. *shrugs*
