10 IF DO THEN DAMNED//ELSE DAMNED//END IF

...two years of college spent getting a programming degree and THAT'S the best I can come up with...eesh.

ANYWAY

As those in the DC area might know, this weekend here at Andrews AFB there's an air show going on. For some reason, I rather enjoy these kind of shows. Dunno why...there's just something about something flying over my head fast enough to mimick a thunderclap that I just think RULES.

So what's with the title, then? Simple. I don't get to watch it.

As it was ORIGINALLY scheduled, I was going to be on one of the security teams, working mid-transit crowd control. In other words, I'd be sitting on a bus all day making sure nobody got rowdy. And yes, that even means when nobody was on the bus, which meant that I wouldn't have been allowed OFF the bus to watch the show. Bathroom, yes. Food/drink, yes. Show, NO.

But lo and behold, the duty schedule comes along to get me out of it, as I have the dubious honor of getting to work the Friday AND Sunday night shifts, and since it'd be absolutely absurd to have someone working both night AND day, they let me off for today and Sunday, plus I get Saturday off due to being up all night tonight.

So rather than working at the air show instead of watching, I shall be...

...Sleeping through it.

Game over, I lose, no continues.

Oh well, I'll live. They didn't bring any F-14s anyway. BO-RING!

NEWS FLUSH!

From the Disassociative Press:

ANDREWS AFB - Preparations for day two of the weekend-long Air Show were brought to an ugly, hissing, yet temporary halt today when the base came under the assault of the renowned local terror group Al-Cicaeda, headed by Buzzama bin Locust. Despite warnings of potential actions for weeks, the entire area was caught entirely off guard when the group swarmed up from its larvahole network beneath the base grounds. Within the first few hours after daybreak the twittering of birds was drowned out by the Al-Cicaeda's calling-card hissing, a cry of victory over their would-be victims.

The siege, however, was short-lived when the personnel on base realized that none of the Al-Cicaeda operatives were carrying any form of offensive or devensive equipment, save their standard-issue exoskeletal armors, of which many were oddly discarded shortly after surfacing. In a flurry of shoos, swats, and grindings under the heels, the assault on Andrews was quickly averted, going surprisingly unnoticed by the populus in the area, whose fixation was upon the aircraft screaming through the skies at the kickoff of the Air Show's second day.

- Manheim A. Smartelek
Disassociative Press


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DISCLAIMER: The preceding story was based on facts, but blown completely out of proportion. This news broadcast is for entertainment purposes only.

Dumbstruck

I just got back from the post office after realizing I hadn't had a chance to check my mail for most of the week. I pop my box open and sure enough, what do I find? Bills.

More specifically, a bill from Geico for my next 6 months of coverage.

Now here's where the title becomes appropriate: This little line I read under the charges for each month:

"Each installment includes a $4.00 premium installment charge"

Excuse me for a moment, but if I'm reading that correctly, are they basically saying they're charging me money to charge me money!? What the fuck?! Oo;

Random bit of wisdom...maybe.

Never tell anyone they have no reason to do something, because proving you wrong is reason enough.