A holiday gift for everyone on Team Hatoful!

[xaq_the_aereon]

"How Shuu Stole Christmas"
A Hatoful Boyfriend-based parody of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" by Dr. Seuss
Written by Will Rennar
Opening written by kjorteo
EDIT: And now with narration bydavidn!


Every Coo down in Cooville liked Christmas a lot,
But the murderous Hawk Party doctor did not.

Doctor Shuu hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be, perhaps, he was missing a neck
For his head to attach to. Did anyone check?
But I think that the most likely reason was that
His frame, just perhaps, was two sizes too fat.

But whatever the reason, his neck or his plump,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, ever the grump,
Staring down from his house with a dark, chukar frown
At the lovely birdhouses in the Coos’ little town.
For he knew every Coo down in Cooville below
Was out in their yards building birds out of snow.

“And they’re wrapping up gifts!” he growled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he grumbled, for once not quite feeling so clever.
“I MUST find a way to stop Christmas forever!”

For tomorrow, he knew, all the Coo squabs and squeakers
Would run down to the presents, straight out of their sneakers!
And THEN! With the thought making him lose his poise,
The whole day would be filled with just noise. Noise. Noise! NOISE!!

Then the Coos, house and nest, would gather for a feast!
And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d feast, feast, feast, FEAST!!
They would feast upon pudding, and half-dead fried rice,
And massacred ramen, Shuu’s ULTIMATE vice!

And THEN, as the thought made him cringe, without fail,
Every Coo, there in Cooville, whether rock or fantail,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand wing-in-wing, and the Coos would start singing!

They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d sing, sing, sing, SING!!

To Shuu, THAT one act made his blackened heart sting!
He thought to himself, “I must stop this whole thing!
For nine blasted years I’ve put up with it now!
I MUST stop this Christmas forever! …But HOW!?”

Then he got an idea.
An AWFUL idea.
DOCTOR SHUU GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!!

And that night, as the Coos slept soundly in their beds,
Shuu went down into Cooville…and he lopped off their heads.


(What, you were expecting a HAPPY ending!?)


Happy holidays, everybirdy. :]

Comments

[kjorteo]

Ho ho ho, Happy HolidayStar.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

[kjorteo]

Clearly, this thread needs the Le Bel Christmas party music. Be honored.

[davidn]

Merry bloody Christmas!

[kjorteo]

I cannot even begin to tell you how excellent this is.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

*pauses at the intro* Hmm, that A keeps throwing people off, it seems...it's supposed to be prounced "REN-ur" but...whatever. *resumes listening*

*at end* Oh good lord that was perfect. *sniffle* Thank you so much for that. :D

[kjorteo]

And yet, he actually got the unpronounceable mouthful that is "Kjorteo" right.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Well, unlike me, I think you'd actually explained how to pronounced it in the past, whereas this is the first time I've ever brought it up with you guys.

Then again, this is only the 2nd time I've ever heard someone else say it out loud, so I've never really felt a need for it. *shrug*

[kjorteo]

I made a response but I don't have file hosting for it. Check your e-mail....

[davidn]

Oh, this is certainly a wonderful, awful adaptation :) I'm going to record this. Stay tuned.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Excellent! You fell right into my traCan't wait to hear it. :D