Shall we play a game?

[xaq_the_aereon]

Alright everybirdie, the results from the earlier post are in, and now it's time to reveal what I was gearing towards: a game.




(UPDATE: As of 5:20 PM local time, 01/09/2013, all achievements have been unlocked!!)

(Enable BGM?)
It is New Year's Day, and to celebrate, you have joined some of your classmates from St. Pigeonation's to go down to the local shrine. As you get there, you notice the place is strangely empty, even compared to its usual sparsity of visitors. As you get further in, however, you see why: a Komodo Dragon has apparently decided to sunbathe in the middle of the shrine grounds and scared everybirdie off!

"The Black Serpent of Agony has appeared!" The startled, slightly agonized cry of the luzon who stands beside your group startles you...where'd he come from, anyway? Before you can ask, he tosses you a pen used in drawing manga. "Go forth, Scarlet Knight of the Sephirot! It is your destiny to wield Sae'krom, the holy spear, and slay this beast!"

Looks like you've picked up a weird one, my friend. Rummaging through your backpacks, you and your classmates scrounge together a few items you can use to deal with the situation. Things do not look very promising, however, as all that you have are a packet of Tat-P pudding mix, a unicycle, a paintbrush that (for some reason) is still wet with purple paint, a packet of millet seeds, the key to your locker, a unicycle, and the loony luzon's pen.



To play, reply with what you wish to do, such as "Use Unicycle on Self" or "Coo at Sae'krom." Grammar doesn't have to be perfect; as long as the system can make sense of what you say, that should work.
(UPDATE: Due to xviith_et_seq's excessive and increasingly confusing use of them to the point of literally leaving me with a migraine, ANGHELISMS WILL NO LONGER BE ACKNOWLEDGED. Your text entry is simulating a controller input for God's sake.)
If you wish to use the Move command, simply say "Move to ____" using the following list as reference:
-Shrine to move to the center dot on the mini-map
-Entrance to move along the lower-left path
-Woods to move along the central-right path
-Spring to move along the upper-left path behind the shrine.
So, for example, if you wanted to return to the entrance, you would type in "Move to Entrance."

After you have entered a command, the system will reply letting you know the consequences, for good or ill (most likely ill) of your actions. Afterwards, assuming you didn't get yourself horribly maimed or killed, you can input another command and try again.

Good luck, and try your best to survive this latest peril to come to Littledove Hachiman City!

UPDATE: There is no need spoiler-tag your replies; I only spoiler-tagged the game so that it didn't take up a boatload of space on your page on the off-chance you didn't want to play.

UPDATE: Okay, since this has come up a number of times now: While other characters get mentioned in the text a few times, the only 2 characters you're able to interact with in any way on the first screen are yourself and the Komodo dragon.


ENDINGS UNLOCKED: 6/6
-ENDING 1: Say Your Prayers (Normal End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 2: Tale of the Dragonslayer (Bad End) (unlocked by davidn)
-ENDING 3: There Goes The Neighborhood! (WTF End) (unlocked by davidn)
-ENDING 4: True Pudding Awaits! (Pudding End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 5: Coo The Hell Do You Think I Am!? (Good End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 6: Coo This, I'm Outta Here! (Lame End) (unlocked by kjorteo)

ACHIEVEMENTS UNLOCKED: 14/14 (UPDATE: 100% Complete!!)
-Say Your Prayers - Unlock the Normal Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Komodo Dragonslayer - Unlock the Bad Ending (unlocked by davidn)
-Gigaflare - Unlock the WTF Ending (unlocked by davidn)
-Coo coooo!! - Unlock the Pudding Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Hatodammerung - Unlock the Good Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-I Quit! - Unlock the Lame Ending (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Out of Body Experience - Leave yourself behind. (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Lighten the Load - You probably didn't need that stuff anyway. (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Multi-Killed!! - Die 10+ times (Communal achievement ultimately unlocked by kjorteo)
-That is No True Pudding! - Discover the label mixup in your inventory. (unlocked by davidn)
-It's Millet Time - Mmm, tasty! (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty - Give yourself a makeover! (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Can I Keep Him? - Aww, I guess not. (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-The Obligatory "Get All Other Achievements" Achievement (Hatogate 100% Complete!)

Comments

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(Apparently it doesn't. Huh.)

>Use Paintbrush on Unicycle

You stand the unicycle up on its seat, then spend the next few minutes giving it a shiny new paint job. When your finished and the paint dries, it has been transformed from a drab gray to the same shade of purple as a ripe grape.

With the last of the paint from the brush used up, you see no further use for it and toss it into a nearby trash can. Just because it's a holiday is no reason for littering!

(Paintbrush removed from inventory)

>Use Unicycle on Lizard

For reasons nobody but you can fathom, you hurl the unicycle with all your might towards the lizard...which, given your comparative size, falls about a foot short.

The komodo dragon looks over at the unicycle, its eyes widening. A moment later, an elated grin spreads across its face. "My unicycle! I've been looking all over for that! Wherever did you find it? Oh, thank you so much!"

With that, it hops up on the unicycle and pedals off into the woods. ...It raises a good question, though; where DID your classmates get that unicycle from? Oh well, the creature is gone now, so that's that sorted! The path is now safe and clear for you to continue.

With the Black Serpent of Agony gone, the luzon walks up to you and kneels. "I apologize for my foolishness earlier...I had forgotten that it was the way of the Knights of the Sephirot to resolve their disputes peacefully. Sae'krom's power was not needed here today, after all. Please forgive my transgression. I shall return the Holy Spear to its resting place at once!"

You hand the mapping pen back to the Filipino bird, who darts off into the distance. Well, that was...interesting, I guess?

(Unicycle and Sae'krom have been removed from your inventory.)

[premchaia_pre4]

Okay, the unicycle's owner doesn't care that it's purple now. Well, fine, let's >MOVE WOODS (does this mean we can track it more easily in the woods?)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(Long story short, no.)

(Repeat "Move to Woods" scenario)

Before you can decide what to do next, you see a fantail dove run into the shrine grounds. His attention seems focused squarely on your packet of pudding mix!



(SIDE NOTE: Yes, the lizard's still in the background...images need work.)

"Cooooo coo cooo! (Okosan senses pudding in this location!)" The fantail gives you no chance to defend yourself as he smashes against you in a flying headbutt, knocking the pudding mix out of your backpack! As you get up, you see him run off into towards the horizon, at speeds you haven't seen since the last sci-fi marathon!

As you get up and dust yourself off, you hear a deafening blast off in the distance..



Well, looks like he was wrong...apparently that wasn't pudding after all. A moment later, the same fantail comes racing back to you, looking slightly singed.

"Coooooooo! (Okosan has been lied to! Deceived! That was no pudding!)"

Without warning, he strikes you with his wing. Geez, what did you do to deserve that!?

"Cooo coo coooooo cooooo! (It seems Okosan will have to continue his quest once more. The true pudding will be his one day! It will!)" And with that, he's off.

After taking a moment to regain your senses and work out what the blazes just happened, you realize that everybody else in the area, including your classmates, has long since left...apparently that was too much weirdness for anyone but you to handle. You shrug, make your way over to the shrine, leave your wish, ring the bell, and head home. Still, you can't shake off the feeling that you're missing something...oh well.


(Game Over - Pudding End)

(ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - Coo coooo!!)

[premchaia_pre4]

>NEW GAME. USE THE BOLD FACE OF THE MAD SWIRLING DUST EXEMPLAR OF THE WINGED SPEED OF WIND'S HEART'S DESIRE ON BLACK SERPENT OF AGONY.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

**FATAL PARSER ERROR: THIS...I....WHAT...**

[premchaia_pre4]

Aww. I even made it into a sort of rebus this time since you said you couldn't examine the abbr title text! The bolded letters (thus “bold face”) anagram to “pudding mix”. u.u

% xl restore hatogate.chk && xl console hatogate

>USE PUDDING MIX ON KOMODO DRAGON. c.c

(Who is winged, with the speed of wind? What is his heart's desire? And what would happen if you reduced his heart's desire to only its most essential, exemplar components, represented in a swirl of dust, pure yet diminished, and packaged with typographic glee?)

(Append: Bah—I didn't realize they would actually give you a headache, especially since it was meant to be easier! Sorry. Sometimes one has to spray me with the water bottle, especially when I'm only partially awake. ;.;)

[kjorteo]

Hmm ... all right a couple things I want to try, then. They may be mutually exclusive, I don't know. Assume I'm starting over between the two if they are. :P

1) New game, use paintbrush on unicycle, then use unicycle on komodo dragon.

2) New game, give the unicycle back and get the komodo dragon out of the way, move woods, and then move woods again.

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

Fat lot of coo that'll do me!

Coo Anghel

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(engaging shorthand mode due to the first already being done)


1) No new result. (Paintbrush, unicycle, and Sae'krom have been removed from your inventory.)

2) (2nd trip to woods goes the same as the 1st. Disengaging shorthand mode.)

Before you can decide what to do next, you see a fantail dove run into the shrine grounds. His attention seems focused squarely on your packet of pudding mix!



(SIDE NOTE: Once again, fully aware that the lizard's still in the background even though he shouldn't be. Images are still in beta.)

"Cooooo coo cooo! (Okosan senses pudding in this location!)" The fantail gives you no chance to defend yourself as he smashes against you in a flying headbutt, knocking the pudding mix out of your backpack! As you get up, you see him run off into towards the horizon, at speeds you haven't seen since the last sci-fi marathon!

As you get up and dust yourself off, you hear a deafening blast off in the distance..



Well, looks like he was wrong...apparently that wasn't pudding after all. A moment later, the same fantail comes racing back to you, looking slightly singed.

"Coooooooo! (Okosan has been lied to! Deceived! That was no pudding!)"

Without warning, he strikes you with his wing. Geez, what did you do to deserve that!?

"Cooo coo coooooo cooooo! (It seems Okosan will have to continue his quest once more. The true pudding will be his one day! It will!)" And with that, he's off.

After taking a moment to regain your senses and work out what the blazes just happened, you realize that everybody else in the area, including your classmates, has long since left...apparently that was too much weirdness for anyone but you to handle. You shrug, make your way over to the shrine, leave your wish, ring the bell, and head home. Still, you can't shake off the feeling that you're missing something...oh well.


(Game Over - Pudding End)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

**PARSER ERROR: OBJECT "ANGHEL" NOT LOCATED**

(As I mentioned to xviith, the only characters you can interact with are yourself and the lizard.)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(Apology accepted; just, please, no more of that...if I wanted a riddle game, I can find plenty of those on my own. XP)

From the scowl across the lizard's face, you get the sneaking suspicion that it might be hungry. Since the pudding mix doesn't look very appetizing to you, you toss it over to him, landing the 2-container package right in front of him. Nice shot!

He looks down at it in a minor bit of confusion, bites the containers a few times, and then simply ignores them. Well, so much for that stuff...even if getting it back seemed safe, touching it at this point would just be gross!

(Pudding mix removed from inventory.)

[premchaia_pre4]

“We oopsed. We're very sad. The xaq went boom. Sowwy. It's a little dusty but we're taking mister pudding mix. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.”

So… crud. Um… >USE MILLET ON KOMODO DRAGON. (Now it'll have lots of food.)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

You pop open the packet of millet seeds and toss them over in the lizard's general direction. Hope you weren't planning on having that for lunch later.

A few of the seeds spray the creature's face, inducing a snarl of discontent. Beyond that, however, it appears to be completely ignoring them and, to a much more relieving extent, you.

(Millet removed from inventory)

[premchaia_pre4]

… hmm. >USE PAINTBRUSH ON SELF.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

You take a moment to look yourself over, and decide that the current color of your plumage could use a little work. With that in mind, you spend a few minutes touching your feathers up with the paintbrush. In no time at all, you've turned yourself into a rather regal shade of purple!

It looks like you could improve on things a little more, though...

(Paintbrush removed from inventory)

[premchaia_pre4]

Hmm. I'd better >SAVE. USE SAE'KROM ON SELF (allowing the punctuation to float; I guess this is a different one?).

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(File saved.)

Uncertain of whether the mapping pen would be able to wound that Komodo dragon, you test it out by trying to poke yourself in the chest with it. The ease with which it pierces your heart comes as quite a shock, in a multitude of ways.

In a flash, you feel Sae'krom's holy magic flood into you, erasing the sin from your spirit as quickly as it erases the life from your body. At least your passing is a peaceful one.

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)

[kjorteo]

Hmm ... all right, new game, use paintbrush on self.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

You take a moment to look yourself over, and decide that the current color of your plumage could use a little work. With that in mind, you spend a few minutes touching your feathers up with the paintbrush. In no time at all, you've turned yourself into a rather regal shade of purple!

It looks like you could improve on things a little more, though...

(Paintbrush removed from inventory)

[kjorteo]

Oh! On to something, are we? Let's see ... use millet on self?

[xaq.livejournal.com]

No sense trying to deal with this situation on an empty stomach! You pop open your packet of millet and dig into it, enjoying every last scrumptious and nutritious bite. Yum!

(Millet removed from inventory)


(UNOFFICIAL ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Confines of journal template broken! ...Again. This is, what, twice you've done this now? :b)

[kjorteo]

Well that's not quite what I meant to do, but ... okay!

Um ... use Saekro'm on self?

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Uncertain of whether the mapping pen would be able to wound that Komodo dragon, you test it out by trying to poke yourself in the chest with it. The ease with which it pierces your heart comes as quite a shock, in a multitude of ways.

In a flash, you feel Sae'krom's holy magic flood into you, erasing the sin from your spirit as quickly as it erases the life from your body. At least your passing is a peaceful one.

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)


**PARSER REQUESTING A NEW REPLY THREAD.**

[kjorteo]

New thread at the parser's request!

Regarding the result of my last actions, AAGH THAT IS SO NOT WHAT I MEANT TO DO AT ALL

HATOGAAAAAAATE

(Well, it is based off the game whose difficulty comes in part from your character being so eager to kill himself at every turn that the "look at" command may as well have been renamed "commit suicide using," so I guess points for faithfulness to the source material....)

Okay, paintbrush on self, and then ... um ... peck Saekro'm?

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(fresh paint of coat reapplied. Still looks like a little something more could be done...in all seriousness, though, YOU USED A WEAPON ON YOURSELF IN A SHADOWGATE CLONE. WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!? :b )

(Paintbrush removed from inventory)

>Peck Saekro'm (PARSER NOTE: Oh crud, I've been misspelling its name this whole time!?)

KTANG! KTANG! KTANG! While clearly nothing more than a mapping pen, it withstands your assault perfectly, ringing with a clarion call as beautiful as the heavens themselves with each strike of your beak. Fascinating!

(...Aaand that's all that happens from that.)