Shall we play a game?

[xaq_the_aereon]

Alright everybirdie, the results from the earlier post are in, and now it's time to reveal what I was gearing towards: a game.




(UPDATE: As of 5:20 PM local time, 01/09/2013, all achievements have been unlocked!!)

(Enable BGM?)
It is New Year's Day, and to celebrate, you have joined some of your classmates from St. Pigeonation's to go down to the local shrine. As you get there, you notice the place is strangely empty, even compared to its usual sparsity of visitors. As you get further in, however, you see why: a Komodo Dragon has apparently decided to sunbathe in the middle of the shrine grounds and scared everybirdie off!

"The Black Serpent of Agony has appeared!" The startled, slightly agonized cry of the luzon who stands beside your group startles you...where'd he come from, anyway? Before you can ask, he tosses you a pen used in drawing manga. "Go forth, Scarlet Knight of the Sephirot! It is your destiny to wield Sae'krom, the holy spear, and slay this beast!"

Looks like you've picked up a weird one, my friend. Rummaging through your backpacks, you and your classmates scrounge together a few items you can use to deal with the situation. Things do not look very promising, however, as all that you have are a packet of Tat-P pudding mix, a unicycle, a paintbrush that (for some reason) is still wet with purple paint, a packet of millet seeds, the key to your locker, a unicycle, and the loony luzon's pen.



To play, reply with what you wish to do, such as "Use Unicycle on Self" or "Coo at Sae'krom." Grammar doesn't have to be perfect; as long as the system can make sense of what you say, that should work.
(UPDATE: Due to xviith_et_seq's excessive and increasingly confusing use of them to the point of literally leaving me with a migraine, ANGHELISMS WILL NO LONGER BE ACKNOWLEDGED. Your text entry is simulating a controller input for God's sake.)
If you wish to use the Move command, simply say "Move to ____" using the following list as reference:
-Shrine to move to the center dot on the mini-map
-Entrance to move along the lower-left path
-Woods to move along the central-right path
-Spring to move along the upper-left path behind the shrine.
So, for example, if you wanted to return to the entrance, you would type in "Move to Entrance."

After you have entered a command, the system will reply letting you know the consequences, for good or ill (most likely ill) of your actions. Afterwards, assuming you didn't get yourself horribly maimed or killed, you can input another command and try again.

Good luck, and try your best to survive this latest peril to come to Littledove Hachiman City!

UPDATE: There is no need spoiler-tag your replies; I only spoiler-tagged the game so that it didn't take up a boatload of space on your page on the off-chance you didn't want to play.

UPDATE: Okay, since this has come up a number of times now: While other characters get mentioned in the text a few times, the only 2 characters you're able to interact with in any way on the first screen are yourself and the Komodo dragon.


ENDINGS UNLOCKED: 6/6
-ENDING 1: Say Your Prayers (Normal End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 2: Tale of the Dragonslayer (Bad End) (unlocked by davidn)
-ENDING 3: There Goes The Neighborhood! (WTF End) (unlocked by davidn)
-ENDING 4: True Pudding Awaits! (Pudding End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 5: Coo The Hell Do You Think I Am!? (Good End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 6: Coo This, I'm Outta Here! (Lame End) (unlocked by kjorteo)

ACHIEVEMENTS UNLOCKED: 14/14 (UPDATE: 100% Complete!!)
-Say Your Prayers - Unlock the Normal Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Komodo Dragonslayer - Unlock the Bad Ending (unlocked by davidn)
-Gigaflare - Unlock the WTF Ending (unlocked by davidn)
-Coo coooo!! - Unlock the Pudding Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Hatodammerung - Unlock the Good Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-I Quit! - Unlock the Lame Ending (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Out of Body Experience - Leave yourself behind. (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Lighten the Load - You probably didn't need that stuff anyway. (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Multi-Killed!! - Die 10+ times (Communal achievement ultimately unlocked by kjorteo)
-That is No True Pudding! - Discover the label mixup in your inventory. (unlocked by davidn)
-It's Millet Time - Mmm, tasty! (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty - Give yourself a makeover! (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Can I Keep Him? - Aww, I guess not. (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-The Obligatory "Get All Other Achievements" Achievement (Hatogate 100% Complete!)

Comments

[premchaia_pre4]

>USE KEY2 ON SHRINE. (The purple dot at (334, 327) specifically, or else the shrine map target if that does nothing.)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Despite the protests from your classmates, you attempt to force your locker key into the shrine door's lock. After a few seconds of trying, however, you're ultimately forced to accept the fact that Tab A isn't going to fit into Slot B. Apparently the shrine was built by a different group than the company that built St. Pigeonation's lockers.


(I hope you weren't expecting anything more profound than that to happen.)

[premchaia_pre4]

This is reminding me of either Aisle or Pick Up The Phone Booth And Aisle and it's hard to tell which. >PECK KEY2.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

You set your locker key on the floor and, for reasons unknown to anyone but you, peck away furiously at it. Midway into your seventh peck, however, you're overcome with the urge to cough, striking your beak into the ground around your key and reflexively closing it around it on the return stroke.

Despite your best efforts, you cannot dislodge the key from your jaws. In a last-ditch effort, you strike it against a small rock on the ground. The good news to that is that it gets dislodged from your beak. The bad news is that it then gets lodged in your throat, and stays there as you choke to death on it. Serves you right for assaulting that poor, defenseless key like that!

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)

[premchaia_pre4]

>PECK MILLET

[xaq.livejournal.com]

No sense trying to deal with this situation on an empty stomach! You pop open your packet of millet and dig into it, enjoying every last scrumptious and nutritious bite. Yum!

(Millet removed from inventory)

(ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: IT'S MILLET TIME)

[premchaia_pre4]

>USE PUDDING MIX ON SPRING

[xaq.livejournal.com]

**PARSER ERROR: CANNOT USE ITEMS ON EXITS FROM CURRENT MAP LOCATION**


(Congrats, you just pegged something I hadn't thought anyone would try doing!)

[premchaia_pre4]

I can't—does that mean I can't use it on the woods either? I thought maybe I could try to make pudding by throwing it in the spring from afar!

I have the feeling I've dispensed with some necessary items here. But I may as well try to >USE KEY2 ON PUDDING MIX.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Getting a little bored waiting for the lizard to leave, are we? Whatever the reason, you poke the key into the pudding mix container marked "Part A." A little bit of it spills out. The same happens when you poke it into the container marked "Part B." Within moments, each is full of holes with its contents splayed all over, with some of it mixing.

One of your pokes inadvertently scratches the mixing stick that was included with the pudding, and...

Wait, what was that click?



Well well. Apparently someone got their packing labels mixed up, and accidentally put a label for Tat-P brand pudding onto a packet of TATP. The high explosive you kept stabbing with your key proves to be sufficiently mixed, as the detonator succeeds in setting it off.

Good news for everyone who missed the fireworks the night before, bad news for you.



(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)