Shall we play a game?

[xaq_the_aereon]

Alright everybirdie, the results from the earlier post are in, and now it's time to reveal what I was gearing towards: a game.




(UPDATE: As of 5:20 PM local time, 01/09/2013, all achievements have been unlocked!!)

(Enable BGM?)
It is New Year's Day, and to celebrate, you have joined some of your classmates from St. Pigeonation's to go down to the local shrine. As you get there, you notice the place is strangely empty, even compared to its usual sparsity of visitors. As you get further in, however, you see why: a Komodo Dragon has apparently decided to sunbathe in the middle of the shrine grounds and scared everybirdie off!

"The Black Serpent of Agony has appeared!" The startled, slightly agonized cry of the luzon who stands beside your group startles you...where'd he come from, anyway? Before you can ask, he tosses you a pen used in drawing manga. "Go forth, Scarlet Knight of the Sephirot! It is your destiny to wield Sae'krom, the holy spear, and slay this beast!"

Looks like you've picked up a weird one, my friend. Rummaging through your backpacks, you and your classmates scrounge together a few items you can use to deal with the situation. Things do not look very promising, however, as all that you have are a packet of Tat-P pudding mix, a unicycle, a paintbrush that (for some reason) is still wet with purple paint, a packet of millet seeds, the key to your locker, a unicycle, and the loony luzon's pen.



To play, reply with what you wish to do, such as "Use Unicycle on Self" or "Coo at Sae'krom." Grammar doesn't have to be perfect; as long as the system can make sense of what you say, that should work.
(UPDATE: Due to xviith_et_seq's excessive and increasingly confusing use of them to the point of literally leaving me with a migraine, ANGHELISMS WILL NO LONGER BE ACKNOWLEDGED. Your text entry is simulating a controller input for God's sake.)
If you wish to use the Move command, simply say "Move to ____" using the following list as reference:
-Shrine to move to the center dot on the mini-map
-Entrance to move along the lower-left path
-Woods to move along the central-right path
-Spring to move along the upper-left path behind the shrine.
So, for example, if you wanted to return to the entrance, you would type in "Move to Entrance."

After you have entered a command, the system will reply letting you know the consequences, for good or ill (most likely ill) of your actions. Afterwards, assuming you didn't get yourself horribly maimed or killed, you can input another command and try again.

Good luck, and try your best to survive this latest peril to come to Littledove Hachiman City!

UPDATE: There is no need spoiler-tag your replies; I only spoiler-tagged the game so that it didn't take up a boatload of space on your page on the off-chance you didn't want to play.

UPDATE: Okay, since this has come up a number of times now: While other characters get mentioned in the text a few times, the only 2 characters you're able to interact with in any way on the first screen are yourself and the Komodo dragon.


ENDINGS UNLOCKED: 6/6
-ENDING 1: Say Your Prayers (Normal End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 2: Tale of the Dragonslayer (Bad End) (unlocked by davidn)
-ENDING 3: There Goes The Neighborhood! (WTF End) (unlocked by davidn)
-ENDING 4: True Pudding Awaits! (Pudding End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 5: Coo The Hell Do You Think I Am!? (Good End) (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-ENDING 6: Coo This, I'm Outta Here! (Lame End) (unlocked by kjorteo)

ACHIEVEMENTS UNLOCKED: 14/14 (UPDATE: 100% Complete!!)
-Say Your Prayers - Unlock the Normal Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Komodo Dragonslayer - Unlock the Bad Ending (unlocked by davidn)
-Gigaflare - Unlock the WTF Ending (unlocked by davidn)
-Coo coooo!! - Unlock the Pudding Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Hatodammerung - Unlock the Good Ending (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-I Quit! - Unlock the Lame Ending (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Out of Body Experience - Leave yourself behind. (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Lighten the Load - You probably didn't need that stuff anyway. (unlocked by kjorteo)
-Multi-Killed!! - Die 10+ times (Communal achievement ultimately unlocked by kjorteo)
-That is No True Pudding! - Discover the label mixup in your inventory. (unlocked by davidn)
-It's Millet Time - Mmm, tasty! (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty - Give yourself a makeover! (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-Can I Keep Him? - Aww, I guess not. (unlocked by xviith_et_seq)
-The Obligatory "Get All Other Achievements" Achievement (Hatogate 100% Complete!)

Comments

[kjorteo]

Move to Entrance

[xaq.livejournal.com]

The wacky luzon bars your path. "Destiny cannot be averted, Holy Warrior! The Black Serpent must be dealt with so that the Temple of Eternity may cast its glow on the world once more!"

Crazy as he sounds, he's right...you and your friends came here to make your New Year's wishes, and it's going to take more than some stupid lizard to stop you!!

(Oh, BTW, you don't have to spoiler-tag your replies; I just spoiler-tagged the game so it wouldn't take up a bunch of space on everyone's friend page.)

[kjorteo]

Hmm ... in that case....

Coo at komodo dragon

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

Open pudding mix

[xaq.livejournal.com]

You carefully attempt to open the two containers the pudding mix is kept in. Sadly, feathers aren't able to keep a strong enough grip on such things, and you wind up dropping them both to the ground, spilling the contents everywhere. Blast, there goes what could have been your lunch!

(Pudding Mix removed from inventory)

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

Feathers!

Use wet paintbrush on spilled pudding mix

[davidn]

Text adventures are always better with a human as the parser :)

Use key2 on self!

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(Aren't they, though?)

Good job, you've succeeded in piercing your heart with your locker key. Apparently it was the right key for the job, as it has unlocked your mortal prison and freed your spirit from the confines of this world. Your classmates are going to have fond memories of this day to share in therapy for the next few years!

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... .... ...)

[davidn]

Open... Sae'krom!

[lupineangel.livejournal.com]

USE PAINTBRUSH on skink KOMODO DRAGON.

We'll blind it with paint, then sneak past it to the Entrance! (or not :P)

D.F.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

You give the komodo dragon a beautiful new coat of royal purple scales, reflecting its majesty most splendidly. It thanks you for your generous gift by clamping its teeth around your head, the force of its jaws crushing your skull like an eggshell underfoot. Aww, how thoughtful of him!

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)


(SIDE NOTE: Looks like it was the "or not!" ...Besides, wasn't the idea to get to the Shrine rather than back to the Entrance anyway?)

[premchaia_pre4]

>PAGE UP

[xaq.livejournal.com]

[premchaia_pre4]

Now this I'm not nearly as sure of. >RESTORE 702066. USE PAINTBRUSH ON KEY2.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(Loading from saved file... ... ...)

You give your locker key a beautiful, fresh coat of paint, turning it from drab brass to royal purple. Well, that should make finding it a lot easier in the morning!

With the last of the paint from the brush used up, you see no further use for it and toss it into a nearby trash can. Just because it's a holiday is no reason for littering!

(Paintbrush removed from inventory)

[premchaia_pre4]

Well, that didn't go well. Right! >NEW GAME. USE HEAVENLY GRAINS OF PEARL ON TWO-FACED SUMMONER OF TEMPTATION. (Now that I've restarted, the bleeding-heart dove isn't gone anymore.)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

**PARSER ERROR: INVALID TARGET OF ITEM USE**

**PARSER FATAL ERROR: NOW YOU'RE JUST GETTING RIDICULOUS**

(While Anghel now hasn't left with Sae'krom, he's never technically been in the game as far as interacting with goes. Besides, the packet's filled with millet, not bitter black beans! :b)

[premchaia_pre4]

>NEW GAME. USE THE BOLD FACE OF THE MAD SWIRLING DUST EXEMPLAR OF THE WINGED SPEED OF WIND'S HEART'S DESIRE ON BLACK SERPENT OF AGONY.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

**FATAL PARSER ERROR: THIS...I....WHAT...**

[kjorteo]

New thread at the parser's request!

Regarding the result of my last actions, AAGH THAT IS SO NOT WHAT I MEANT TO DO AT ALL

HATOGAAAAAAATE

(Well, it is based off the game whose difficulty comes in part from your character being so eager to kill himself at every turn that the "look at" command may as well have been renamed "commit suicide using," so I guess points for faithfulness to the source material....)

Okay, paintbrush on self, and then ... um ... peck Saekro'm?

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(fresh paint of coat reapplied. Still looks like a little something more could be done...in all seriousness, though, YOU USED A WEAPON ON YOURSELF IN A SHADOWGATE CLONE. WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!? :b )

(Paintbrush removed from inventory)

>Peck Saekro'm (PARSER NOTE: Oh crud, I've been misspelling its name this whole time!?)

KTANG! KTANG! KTANG! While clearly nothing more than a mapping pen, it withstands your assault perfectly, ringing with a clarion call as beautiful as the heavens themselves with each strike of your beak. Fascinating!

(...Aaand that's all that happens from that.)

[premchaia_pre4]

Hrfbfrbrfbl. So it is just a weapon! Well, at least in that configuration. >RESTORE 715634. COO SELF. (For convenience, the aforementioned position has the lizard splashed with millet and (non-)pudding mix, and the protagonist's feathers painted purple.)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

To psyche yourself up in preparation for dealing with the lizard, you start singing a random little battle ditty. Much to the dismay of everybirdie around you, however, you appear to have the same sort of soothing birdsong as talons on a chalkboard. The lizard clamps its teeth around your head to drown out the racket at the source.

The venom from the creature's fangs quickly courses its way through your body, causing severe swelling in your diaphragm and rendering it impossible for you to breathe. Your classmates call for an ambulance, but by the time it arrives, the damage has been done.

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)

[davidn]

(Starting a new thread as requested by the parser...!)

Hmm. I suppose I was hoping for more of an effect after all that. Has anyone tried using key2 on the lizard before?

[xaq.livejournal.com]

(As a matter of fact, that's the one thing that hasn't been tried on it! Let's see what happens!)

>Use Key2 on Lizard


You flap over to the lizard, perching yourself on its head with your locker key firmly gripped in your beak. With a sharp peck and twist of the neck, you jab it into the creature's neck to see if you can unlock its head and remove it.

The only thing you succeed in unlocking is a mass of lizard-induced violence that quickly reduces you to a splattered smear on the shrine's walkway. Way to go, genius!

It's a sad thing that your adventure has ended here!!

(Reloading from previous save... ... ...)


(Well, that ended about as well as could be expected...)