That awkward moment

[xaq_the_aereon]

When you've been friends with people who all had a common interest that you didn't share and had no problem with, but when you find yourself starting to share that interest, and for some reason the ability to mention it to them just slams to a halt in your throat.

Been experiencing that with a couple of my friends over the past few days, and the reason why I can't bring myself to say "Hey guys, you know that thing you all like that I don't? Well, I kinda do now" completely eludes me. I should have no problem with it, and yet every time I get the urge to bring it up, I just choke.

It's infuriating in how stupid it is.

*bitchkvetchyammermuttergripe*

EDIT: Forced myself to say it in a reply to David down below.

EDIT: For those not interested in reading the comments, I've finally decided to start identifying myself as furry.

Just, don't expect me to start wearing a fursuit anytime soon, though. XP

Comments

[lupineangel.livejournal.com]

I would offer a friendly ear and ask if there's anything you'd like to talk about and get off your chest, except that... well, that's what you're struggling with. Would it help to talk about it with someone outside the group? Or bring it up obliquely, maybe by asking the least judgmental of them to show you what some of it's about or to introduce you to some of the more in-depth things about it?

D.F.

[davidn]

I think I have a fair idea what this might be, but not to presume: can you identify what you're afraid of happening? Maybe too big a deal being made of it?

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Well, you're definitely spot on about there being too big a deal being made of it. (The rest of this post took me about 20 minutes to build up the nerve to just bull-rush my way through.)

As to what it is, you're probably in the ballpark.

Since a few days ago, I've had a mental image locked in my head of a new incarnation of my online avatar, Will Rennar; rather than being human, he was a silver-furred wolf. On top of that, I've been, for want of a more blatant term, looking at the art CDs I bought from Jodi Tong a few months back a bit more.

The other night I finally just sat down and asked myself a simple question:

"Am I a furry?"

Answer used to be "no," probably because I've always had this mindset where, since I have no interest in ever wearing a fursuit, I don't meet some pre-conceived requirements...it's ridiculous, I know.

After some introspection on it, though, now I'd have to say...

A bit, kinda, but...basically, yes.


...And in hindsight, I really can't see why that was so hard to admit. o_O;

[davidn]

Thanks for building up the courage to say it to me, that's really flattering :) I mentioned in that Tumblr post yesterday that there's still a huge stigma attached to it if you look at certain areas of the Internet, but it's really not a big deal. No requirements, no tests... it only matters what you enjoy, and no one's going to think any differently of you for it :)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

One step at a time, I guess.

[lupineangel.livejournal.com]

I'll echo David here - thank you for trusting us with it. :) It's a very wide fandom, and one that gets opinions rather polarised depending on whom you ask about it, but you're welcome to join us to whatever extent that you feel cool with. If fursuits aren't your thing, that's fine - there's art instead, or stories, or just hanging out with friends and exploring and enjoying the social group and subculture. At the end of the day, it's not about pressing yourself into a mold to live up (or down) to the stereotypes; the extent to which you 'identify' and get involved with it is purely up to you, based on the areas of it you find most interesting and/or important.

Welcome. :)

D.F.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Thanks, you two...*closes Tumblr tab* Well, that cat's out of the bag for all to see now.

Feels nice finally getting that off my chest. Think I'll call that my birthday present to myself.

(Gotta have something to look forward to today, seeing as I've got final exams for the semester. X_x)

[kjorteo]

Whoops, I missed that there was the angsting over this, since I don't check LJ as often these days, so the first thing I saw was your Tumblr post when it was finally out. Sorry for missing this, wish I could have helped at the time :( But a belated welcome to the club! I'm glad it worked out and you're not worried about it anymore, at least. :)

[xaq.livejournal.com]

It's okay. Truth be told, this was less "angsting" and more "maybe I can drop a subtle hint about what it is I'm trying to get myself to admit and someone'll drag it out of me."

And whaddya know, it worked! :D