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xaq_the_aereonI should've kept my mouth shut. I bitch and moan about how today can't go any worse, I tell my friend ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zerohourk3k how violent I can act towards people when I lose someone important to me...and then I check my email.
This morning, my grandpa had a heart attack...and now he's gone. Thanks to my intuition I somehow knew the last time I saw him was going to be exactly that...but even so, this just hurts like shit to even try to comprehend. He was one of my favorite relatives, after all...no, I take that back. Grandpa was my favorite. Period. We always had fun times on visits, especially when we got together with some of the rest of the family for a few hands of pinochle.
And now I'll never get to see him again...I can't even go to his funeral because of my schooling. Not that I would...I hate to admit it, but I can't stand funerals. I don't have the stomach or the willpower for them...the pain, the nausea, and the urge to just break down and cry I'm feeling right now are nothing compared to how I am if I have to stand there and say farewell. I just can't do it.
All I can do right now is let my pain run its course...I know a few of you might want to try and help me. I'll warn you right now: Aside from leaving a comment on here, don't try to comfort me. My grief spells aren't deep enough that I need help dealing with them, but they can turn to misdirected rage real quick when someone tries to take pity on me, so for your own sake, just let me deal with this...please..
zerohourk3k how violent I can act towards people when I lose someone important to me...and then I check my email.This morning, my grandpa had a heart attack...and now he's gone. Thanks to my intuition I somehow knew the last time I saw him was going to be exactly that...but even so, this just hurts like shit to even try to comprehend. He was one of my favorite relatives, after all...no, I take that back. Grandpa was my favorite. Period. We always had fun times on visits, especially when we got together with some of the rest of the family for a few hands of pinochle.
And now I'll never get to see him again...I can't even go to his funeral because of my schooling. Not that I would...I hate to admit it, but I can't stand funerals. I don't have the stomach or the willpower for them...the pain, the nausea, and the urge to just break down and cry I'm feeling right now are nothing compared to how I am if I have to stand there and say farewell. I just can't do it.
All I can do right now is let my pain run its course...I know a few of you might want to try and help me. I'll warn you right now: Aside from leaving a comment on here, don't try to comfort me. My grief spells aren't deep enough that I need help dealing with them, but they can turn to misdirected rage real quick when someone tries to take pity on me, so for your own sake, just let me deal with this...please..
